trust
kinda wondering, how can we ever entrust a person? and if we did, shd it be partially or completely? and how do you define them?
in work, ani1 can be a very co-operative colleague and backstab u once the chance arise (like that Essence of Chicken ad with flying daggers in workplace).
in frenship, level of devastation will be dependent on the how close this fren is, as well as how deep ur pocket is O_o
in love, .... is it wrong to make assumption? if chances of clarification is not given at all, if all can only be seen thru written words and heard thru third parties, and one cant stop thinking of another, what can one do except... to assume?
[你的世界若不要我陪
告诉我我试着了解
最怕寂寞之夜
我想到我们之间
迟迟无法入睡。。
我的喜悲若你不想随
告诉我我试着了解
最怕爱到落空换来了一身伤悲
在你面前你视而不见。。]
I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.
[an extract frm keelyn's blog]
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.
I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water. We had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love.
This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyes.
Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls."
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.
But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said, "You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.
At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.
Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body.
This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.
Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you," I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?". "I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!".
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day.
But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?" This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, "I remember". "You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce.
From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning."
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce," she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "Daddy is holding Mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.
I nodded.
The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now."
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.
Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy." I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious." She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You got no fever." She said. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Time is too slow for those who wait;
Too swift for those who fear;
Too long for those who grieve;
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love, time is eternity...
-- Henry Van Dyke (1852 - 1933)
love defination
Love n. (lv)
Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you're in love, you always want to be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete.
This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone. It's when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that's how much you care about them and because their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa.
It's when they're the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they're the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity. Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other. It's the smile on your face you get when you're thinking about them and miss them.
Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense,and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you're in love.
To me, love of two person should not have a 3rd party involved at all. Perhaps intially when it is not that strong. But as time passes and you know that he or she is the one you truly loves and put your whole heart to it, how can a 3rd person be able to exist in such condition?
I'd loved a person wholeheartedly before, have you?
*Gawd, 5:24am and i ain't sleeping yet..*
Packed
morning:
took my Final Theory Test. even tho a "stranger" gave me a morning call, i was still late due to "lai zhuang" (argh!! when am i gonna change this stupid habit.. = ="). aniwae, i was stuck outside the room and was comtemplating if i shd go in or nt, as when i walked up the stairs, i came upon this poster, with words written "Any person who are late for Theory Test will be DISQUALIFIED".. almost tot of giving it up, luckily the "stranger" told me why nt give it a try and indeed i did..
think the instructor was in a pretty gd mood and let me in, even tho i was late for almost 30mins :P
(to that instructor: i hope u tio 4D tonite lol)
Result: PASSED muahahaha ^ ^
afternoon:
went to simlim square to meet up with tt "stranger" to loiter ard. end state bought the 1GB thumbdrive which i wanted and also an MP3 player (to pamper myself fer passing the test ^ ^). Intitally planned to go pray pray as well, but in the end gotta cancel due to some unforeseen circumstances :x
evening:
attended a much awaited Pri Sch gathering at ECP~ imagine after so many yrs, we still do keep in touch :)
had a fun-filled BBQ session with them and the nite finally ended playing MJ in 1 of their home with the "stranger" til wee morning ^O^
to all the peeps out there, think most of you went to see the post-NDP fireworks bah, pity i cant view much frm ECP.. are they nice?
and to tt "stranger", wasted tt u neva went to tt BBQ leh and also thanks fer tellin me to try my luck huh :P
~Wake me up, When Sept ends~
[by Greenday. yah yah i noe its an "old" song, but i just like it~ bleh ~ lol]
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
diao yu...
today had a trip with a fren Justin over to punggol marina to fish :) nice place to hang ard if u r ok with sea breezes and rocky boat :x
the place is realli cool~ very relaxing and quite serene in my opinion. when u need a place to chill, have small talks or quiet times alone/with frens, look no further~ (tho its at the far end of sg lol)
the baits we used are live prawns, catching them empty handed and hooking them is already a feat itself but once u get the hang of it.. sub sub water liaoZz rite Justin?:x
for one to survive, one must die..
Result: we caught quite number of fishes, but majority were catfishes.. "Catfishes here are of low quality, throw it back into the water" so said the owner of the ship. he also filter other catches, so in the end oni 1 fish was kept = ="
1 of the forsaken ones :S
we stayed there til late nite b4 heading Tiong Bahru Mac to chill.. aniwae, Justin will be working there in Punggol Marina soon as boatwoman (correct?) heres wishing u all the best :)
argh.. stupid hangover~
alcohol is such an amazing stuff..
an appropriate amount can help u relax
a little bit more can make ur mind be clouded
and a little more will make u unable to think of anything
except the happy moments u r having now, no worries, no memories..
cool huh:P
and a little bit more will be enough to have a good slp later on
but..
when u wake up the next day... argh~~
..vicious cycle.. bad...
oh yeah,
b4 i forgot, to those who had the same bdae date with Singapore,
be it my best fren's stead, or the f*cker who stole my wife
~*~Happy Birthday~*~
给所有有烦恼的人
很多时候我们都不知道
自己的价值是多少
我们应该做什么
这一生才不会浪费掉
我们到底重不重要
我们是不是很渺小
深藏心中的那一套
人家会不会觉得可笑
不要认为自己没有用
不要老是坐在那里看天空
如果你自己都不愿意动
还有谁可以帮助你成功
不要认为自己没有用
不要让自卑左右你向前冲
每个人的贡献都不同
也许你就是最好的那种
*加油!!*
bOred
wow.. never tot my life was so mundane before.. its been a long time since i got in touch with all my old frens.. wonder how they've been? do they still remember me? lol
guess its time to make myself more fulfilling and pass my time more meaningfully lor.. recently enrolled to driving and passed my final eval~^O^ even took 2 prac le and the instructor told me to get my PDL as my 3rd prac will be gg outside le hah fast hor:x
aniwae, the helpdesk also told me tat my previous acc of learning riding still exists and since im already in my stage 5, it'll be a waste to forsake it and asked me if i wanted to carry on.. hmm.. shd i? am getting mixed advises leh..
cleaning up..
been trying to clean up my room fer the past few days.. omg.. now then realise wat a pigstyle im living in, and imagine there are letters dated as far as 2004 and its not even been opened.. however, after i went through all the unused and expired "junks" (well, almost), each item brought back some memories.. like inserting a memory card into a card reader. some good, some bad, nonetheless, they formed part of me, one way or another.
another group of items that clogged up my room is my collection of comics! wah.. dun even dare to think how much i'd spent on them.. but they have their uses.. for without them, i dun think my chinese would be tt good lol
aniwae, Kudos to those daredevils who tried (some succeeded) to help me tidy up my room in the past. Orz.. wonder still have this kinda pple appearing in my life again or nt :x
meeting some1 special tml, hope all went well *Xxxx fingers*
frens in need
sometimes, its only through the hard times, then you'll realise who are really readily there for you.. heres my 1st entree for this blog, and i just wanna make use of this chance to thank all of you who came to my "rescue", all the smsses, calls, and advises. its all been great. also thanks for the free liquor, and the free service of debonning chicken juz to force me to eat lol.
frens in need, frens indeed, and im really grateful:)
*hmm.. how come its all gers who come "rescuing" me..*
